HOBY 2011

"Service is a lifestyle" -Mike Anderson

Another HOBY conference has come and pass. The only way I could describe this year's experience would have to be... interesting. Every year is special and unique. That is why, unlike last year, I will actually blog about part of my experience.

Evey year I learn something new at HOBY and every year I am reminded of things I should be doing. Such an example would be goals. To start off, I am setting a goal to blog a little bit about HOBY as often as possible. Wait! I don't think that's specific enough. I will blog at least once every three days. With spring semester and work, I have nothing else to blog about.

HOWEVER! I will be posting my experiences in my own way. I am blogging about lessons I learned and impressions I took from HOBY. And of course, there will be pictures.

Until next time. Happy trails!

(P.S. Yes, that is me laying in the front. This picture was chosen because it was everyone from HOBY and because the "funny" picture would be too revealing of my experience. We don't want to jump ahead.)

That Good Old Fashioned School Stress

Sometimes I wonder, did I really want this? Am I really where I am suppose to be? Did I bite off more than I can chew? Was I really ready for this? Maybe I jumped the gun?

It seems like there is a lack of balance in my life and a lot weight to hold up. The more I try to focus, the less focused I become. I find myself thinking up songs when I should be thinking of research topics.

I sometimes feel overwhelmed with life and it's lack of adventures. A lot of the times things do not go as planned and I feel as though everything is falling into ciaos. And yet...

... Everything is fine. Between the blurs there is something. Burnt out, yes. Certifiably crazy, perhaps. Beat? Defeated? Never. Summer is almost here. It's coming too soon and not soon enough. hopefully it will come before I loose all the hair on my head but after I get everything done.I find myself staring out windows and at walls more and more often. We all handle stress differently. I wonder if it's possible to change the pattern of how we carry out through the stress. Am I destined to become spacey, or will I someday become overwhelmed like others do. Or will I someday learn to manage my life and keep a cool head in the face of... finals. How do you handle those crazy moments of your life?
As pictured above, I still have much to do. I haven't felt like this for a while. Oh spring... Please kidnap me and leave a ransom for my brain. Thank you.

One Year of Growth

I had the stunning realization that it's been a year since I've made one of the most important and life changes choices of my life. I am pleased to admit that I do not regret it one bit. If I got the chance to do my life over again I would make the same choice.

I have seen a world.

I have heard it's sound.

I have felt it's emotions.

I am ready for more.

I have been to concerts.

I have met new people.

I have spoken new words.

I have eaten new foods.

I have crawled on the floor.

I am excited for more.

If it wasn't for that one single choice... that final yes... All this would be different. I would not know the happiness I now know. I would not have felt certain emotions both painful and good. I would not know people and the values they share. I would not be the woman I am becoming.

I have never been so scared in my life but I have never been so excited either. I have never been more cautious or more adventurous. Is this a part of growing up? I have asked myself if perhaps I am growing up too soon? Too fast? Too young? If I am I don't mind. I would not have it any other way.

When a friend of mine had passed on, one of my brothers read me a quote about how he no longer has to suffer through this miserable life. In that moment I realized, this life isn't miserable at all. Even in that moment, one of my most painful, I loved my life. It's my God-given gift and I cherish it. All of it.

I can't wait to see what this next year will do.

Happy New Year!

Aubrey

P.S. Let it be known that this is my first post

that did not have any misspellings.

(at least according to the spell check.)

When You Count Your Blessings

Make sure you count that I didn't blog this weekend. I have been super sick and very well medicated. (Nyquil, anyone?) There's a nasty sickness going around and I was lucky enough to catch it for a while. If I had the chance to blog during my time in bed, who knows what might have ended up in here!

I have grown up! But I have grown up young and I recognize that.

Today I opened my own bank account (complete with checking, pluscard/debit card, a pen, and about 18 bucks) and I did it all by myself. I also filled out my employment papers, also by myself. I got an awesome job at UVU that I am super excited for! This week also marks the end of semester. That means FINALS! yay... I have taken 4 finals already (one of which started at the unheavenly hour of 7 in the morning! Good heavens! Making it there was a test in itself. But being the big girl that I am I got up and ready all by myself. I have worked very hard this semester and whether or not it pays off I will know that I did my best. (It doesn't help when your brain is fried from being sick, but that is still okay.)

As much as I am doing on my own, I still recognize the fact I still need people. Not just people in general but specific people. I'm still growing and still learning. I don't know everything and I don't plan on knowing everything any time soon. For this reason I still rely on those such as my family to look after me and give me outstanding advice. Sometimes growing doesn't come from experience. Sometimes it comes from lessons from others. Chew on that for a while.

Happy trails!

When A Cause Arises

I will rise to meet it. http://www.tremontonleader.com/?p=10627 (You'll have to go to the bottom of the page for that. Someday I will learn how to do that cool link thing on here. Right after I learn how to play with the background.)

As some of you may have heard, a very special friend of mine died this Thanksgiving break. My last post was not about him. He was still alive when I posted that. So I will bring out my emo hat once again to write a little something for him. (By popular demand.) I think this will be my last time writing poetry and sticking it on here. So here goes!

Just a little background information for you. I met Devin at a leadership conference called HOBY. If you read my blog on the actual page then you have probably noticed that my HOBY family is one of my few top favorite things. I was Devin's Junior Counselor but when the main counselor got sick, I became the only counselor for a while. We spent 3 OUTSTANDING days together at Aspen Grove. Needless to say, our group grew very very close.

So young and so strong.

We did not know each other for very long.

Yet long enough did we learn

That time means nothing when it's family that we yurn.

So young and so strong.

I missed you already but now you are gone.

You were a man overflowing with inspiration.

With playful teasing and words of comfort,

With the power to lead an army forth.

So short and so long

I always thought your days would prolong mine.

You wanted to be a grizzly bear and said you'd be mine.

In our final embrace you promised we'd see each other sometime.

So short and so long

Our good-bye could not wait.

Never can regret cause such pain.

Our few moments replay in my mind.

Our moments that will never erase with time.

So young and so strong

Heaven needs a man like you.

You are now in the best of hands.

You were meant for something more grand.

No one could change the world like you.

No one will change the world like you.

So young and so strong.

With a smile, there's nothing wrong.

With courage, biding to stay strong.

With faith, this is not so long.

Through a bear, it was not good-bye.

You were right with "I'll see you."

P.S. These are my HOBY boys. :) This was our last day. Thanks for putting up with me!

Go ahead and let me know what you think. I can't wait to hear what you have to say.

November 21st

I can remember everything.

How I felt that week.

How I felt when I found out.

I can remember those sleepless nights

and those times when I wished I was numb.

Those times when I needed a someone.

That someone was you.

I remember that night,

How you couldn't leave me.

How you did leave me.

I can remember the confusion.

I can remember the abandon.

You left without a good-bye.

It's amazing how fast time goes by.

That thing I've been meaning to say becomes meaningless over time.

One day you're here and the next you're gone without any good-byes.

Letters that were meant to be sent were never written.

The unfinished drawing in the corner screams the things that left without a good-bye.

The unfinished drawing never changes as time goes by.

You held the knowledge of my world.

Now my questions go unanswered.

Our treasures will never be found.

The lessons will never be learned.

For you held the knowledge of my world.

But that world is now forlorn.

You are gone.

You are at peace.

I am here.

I am missing your piece.

For with you, I did die.

Because of you I came alive.

And for you, we do survive.

Never again in this time will I see you.

Always and forever, I love you.

Every now and then, I miss you.

By ourselves, we find ourselves.

In ourselves, we see those around us.

In myself, I see you.

In the night I feel you.

In the darkness, I cannot look away from you.

In silence or loudness, I can hear you.

But no matter what, I never touch you.

You haunt me like a melody.

I feel you like a song.

Like the art from you,

All it is, is a reflection of a dream.

As a sun-filled day, I embrace what you told me.

I will always keep your memory with me.

Ecstatically, Life continues to reign.

A parade of joyful experience, never to end.

The teaches worked not in vain.

I am grateful to have known you you.

Be touched by your grace.

I can remember your secret places.

I can remember all of your faces.

How you would laugh.

How you would teach.

I can remember everything.

I can remember when you took my hands in yours,

How you told me each miracle and prayers of yours,

How I answered each of these.

I can remember how you have done the same for me.

I will remember to be brave and bold.

How to smile.

How to serve.

I can remember who you were.

I will remember how love over pours.

How you do those things you did.

How I will live like you lead.

To continue that story...

Notice my big long To-Do Post-it not on my desk top? Ya. About a third of those are still on there.

So I put a picture up here ages ago with a promise to myself to put the rest up the next day. Fast forward a month and I'm still struggling with my blog layout (really guys?? Is it too much to ask for a good background and a layout that doesn't mess around with everything? Seriously struggling!), millions of tests, UVUSA events, phone photo dump, and a change of seasons and nothing has changed. I have a lot to put on here so please forgive me if I do more than one post in a day. I promise I will keep them worth reading.

So here's the real story. I was working on homework (cough cough cough) when I got a text message. I stopped working (cough cough) to answer it. It only took me a few seconds but apparently that's all that is needed for the cat to come and take over my laptop. I'm sorry kitty. Was I in your way?

Happy trails.

Aubrey